


So It Goes...

by comeonbalfe



Category: Outlander (TV) RPF
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, F/M, NSFW, RPF, Sequel, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:55:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27418381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comeonbalfe/pseuds/comeonbalfe
Summary: Can you mend a broken heart?A sequel to "Call It What You Want."
Relationships: Caitriona Balfe/Sam Heughan
Comments: 21
Kudos: 104





	1. Style

**Author's Note:**

> Please, make sure you read "Call It What You Want" first to understand what's going on.  
> Those who read it, well, as you can see, I couldn't leave things like that after all.

_I should just tell you to leave 'cause_   
_I know exactly where it leads but_   
_I watch us go 'round and 'round each time_

**  
1,5 years later.**

  
She wakes up in a good mood, which hasn’t often happened during the past few months. Her eight hour flight from Dublin has been tiring, and she wanted nothing but sleep as soon as the plane landed. Today is a new day and the window of her hotel suite in Four Seasons gives her the best view at the endless rooftops and skyscrapers. That’s the first thing she sees when she opens her eyes.

  
  
It’s past 12pm, and she is ready to order herself breakfast to the room. She has about 30 minutes to shower and do her usual morning routine, before she can enjoy her pancakes with strawberry jam, two cups of black coffee, boiled eggs, and a glass of orange juice. She’s come here to promote her new movie based on a bestseller book. She has two press conferences in her agenda and a few meetings. It’s going to be a long day in the city she’s never really liked, but, she knows she can do this.

  
  
The day passes quite fast, and she hasn’t actually planned anything for the evening. But, here she is, standing in front of the mirror in a long black skirt, a shoulderless red top, new black shoes with red heels, Chanel and red lipstick. She wonders if a woman of her age can allow herself to look like this. And, then she suddenly doesn’t care. Her hair is long, it almost covers her back, and she has messy bangs, again. It’s almost midnight, and she is in a cab on her way to Empire Rooftop Bar. She needs a few drinks in the company of her old friends.

  
  
She is in New York, and she doesn’t expect anything from this night.

***

  
Once she and her friends settle around the table in the bar, she hears the cheering in her honor from every corner. "Let's raise our glasses! To this beautiful, unique, and talented woman! Starring in a movie, and producing it, at the same time! Who would have thought?" They exclaim one by one, and make her blush. 

The music is too loud, she can barely hear what everybody is saying. The bar is on the rooftop, and she sees the skyscrapers, again. And, even though they all look the same to her, she loves watching the lights glow against the dark sky.

“Wanna dance? You love this song!” She hears one of her friends inviting her to the dance floor. She hesitates, but gives him a smile and takes his hand. 

“So, how do you like it here?” Her friend asks her while they sway to the music.

“I never really liked it here. And I leave in two days, anyway.” 

“Gotcha, but, well, look at you. You really are doing great, all shining. You’re a star, though, you’ve always been,” he says.

“It has taken me a lot of time to be where I am right now,” she replies, with a proud smile. It suddenly feels nice to be praised.

They keep dancing and talking, she feels good and free, alcohol begins running through her veins, and she is a bit tipsy.

And, then...she sees him.

  
He is sitting in the opposite corner of the bar, alone, a glass of whiskey, on ice, in front of him. He hasn’t changed much since she last saw him more than a year ago. She looks away, no longer listening to what her friend is saying to her. With a lump in her throat, she quickly excuses herself.  


"Sorry, I need to go to the ladies room." She apologizes with a fake smile, and quickly goes down the stairs. Running away like a silly girl, as quickly as her heels would allow her. Her heart is racing in her chest, and once she closes the bathroom door, she feels like her heart could explode. She leans on the door and her legs are shaking. She thought that she had forgotten him. She was sure she had forgotten everything. She thought she had no more feelings for this man.  


Who is she kidding?  


She steps towards the sink, and stares at herself in the mirror, as she turns on the water. Splashing her suddenly reddened face with the cold drops, she does her level best to catch her breath and calm down. Inhaling deeply, she turns around and goes back to the exit, opening the bathroom door. She starts walking back to her friends, when she hears that very familiar voice.

"I knew it was you."

She freezes. Paralyzed. Hypnotized. And, her hands start to sweat. She hears him coming closer, and she can feel his hot breath on her bare shoulder. She wants to run away and scream into the void. Instead, she suddenly finds the strength to gather herself, and slowly turns to him. And, their eyes meet.  


"It’s me." She whispers and feels her knees go weak, and she could fall on the floor any second. "What are you doing here?"  


"It’s really you,” he whispers. “I… I wanted to say _hi_."  


"Well, _hi_. I have to go. My friends are waiting for me." She quickly turns from him and starts walking away.  


"Caitríona, wait…" Following her, he grabs her by the elbow.

  
“Sam…” She protests as she pulls her arm from him. “No...”  


"Please, can we talk?" He asks as his eyes follow her red lips.  


"Talk?" She lets out a small laugh. "Talk about what? You told me not to come after you, remember? You came to my house, that day, you used me for sex and then left, like I was some…whore. You left me alone, on the floor. I vomited for two hours." She says, her voice breaking. She’s swallowing the stinging tears, fighting them with all she has in her. "You know what? I don’t want to see you anymore, ever. This is not gonna happen, again, okay? Leave me the fuck alone. Don’t touch me. Or I’ll call security!" She hisses at him through the clenched teeth.  


He takes a step back. "What happened to you?" He asks her, quietly. "You are not the Caitríona I knew before."  


She lets out another surprised laugh. "Do you really wanna know? What happened to me? You! You happened to me! How dare you even speak to me, follow me…"  


"I didn’t even know that you’d be here! I saw you just now and just…"  


"Just…what?" She nervously hisses at him again, but faces nothing but silence. Not getting any answer after what felt like hours, she slowly shakes her head, turns on her heels, and walks away. Hoping he won’t follow her again. And, hoping he will.  


Instead of going back to her friends, she decides it’s time to leave this bar and this city, and runs to the elevator. She will apologize to her friends later. She is not sure she’ll even see them again anytime soon.

Smashing the elevator button with her palm, she finally lets the tears flow. Clenching her fists she looks at her own reflection in the elevator doors. And, then she notices him, again. "Oh, God, no…" She whispers as she sees him quickly approaching her.  


"Caitríona, please, wait…" She hears him, but the doors open, and she jumps inside. Smashing the buttons again, she’s hoping he won’t come in. And, hoping he will. The doors are almost closed when Sam quickly stops them with his hand. Instantly, he’s there with her. The elevator starts going down, and she takes two steps back, away from him, breathing heavily, looking into his eyes.  


"I hate you," she mutters, wiping away the errant tears on her cheeks.  


"I know," he replies quietly, and takes two steps forward. "But, I just wanted to talk." His parted lips are now only one inch or maybe two away from hers. And, she’s not able to control herself anymore. She is not able to figure out how that has even happened, or how she’s trapped in the elevator with the man who broke her heart, either. All she thinks is she should probably just push him away and run, but she just…can't.  


His left hand goes up to grab her by her shoulder and hold her against him. His fingertips slowly dance on her velvet skin, and he feels her shiver under his touch. With his other hand he reaches out and blindly pushes the emergency stop button. The elevator stops. She is shaking and hitting his chest with her fists, her eyes never leaving his.

"Go away. I told you not to touch me!" She tries to protest but fails miserably. "Why are you here? What do you want from me? Why do you keep coming back to my life and ruining me, over and over?" She says, her voice is shaking and another portion of tears is ready to flood her face.  


"I’m sorry, I know, I fucked everything up. And, I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have left…you. I shouldn’t have moved here. I hate this city. I hate everything, when I don’t have you with me," he whispers into her face, as he gently takes her by the wrists and pushes her hands down. "I made a terrible mistake, and I miss you," he mumbles, not breaking eye contact. "Please, Cait..."  


And, there it is. The silly nickname he had given her almost ten years ago. She had forbidden anyone to call her that, after he left. But now, hearing it again, she melts, making a small sound in her throat, breathing out, and giving up. Her trembling hands slide up back to his rising chest, to his neck. She’s running her fingers through his hair, leaning closer, urging him to respond appropriately to her movements, not understanding what she’s doing.  


"Caitríona..." He breathes out.  


And then, she kisses him roughly, smashing their mouths, tongues, and teeth together. She kisses him so hard, it almost hurts, but she doesn’t care. Oh, how she’s missed this. So much, that she could just burst into tears, again, at the familiar feeling of his lips against hers.  


His heart starts jumping. He presses her harder against the wall and yanks her black skirt up, grinding against her as she continues to kiss him. Hungry, wet, and desperate kisses. The ones that could heal and break her in half at the same time, break the walls she’s built around herself, and give her freedom. They can hear each other’s heartbeats and loud moans are escaping their throats. And then, he smells that familiar scent of her arousal that could make him come right here, right now.

She knows that he can smell it, and her face flushes pink. "I hate you," she repeats angrily between the kisses, shaking. "I hate you so much, I..."  


"I know, I know. Cait... Damn... Someone is going to report the damn elevator to maintenance soon, and—"

  
"I don’t give a bloody fuck. You stopped it. You followed and dragged me here… This is all your fault," she says, and her hands quickly go down. She can feel how hard he is as she begins to unzip his pants, but he won’t let her.  


  
"No. Not here," he says, quietly, and takes her hands away. "Not now."

  
  
"Always so bloody sure of yourself, Heughan?" She mutters again when she feels his fingers start traveling between her legs, up to her thighs, where she so desperately needs them. He moves aside her soaked panties to touch her slick, hot flesh. He finds her throbbing clit and presses his thumb there. She closes her eyes, shivering at the feeling of being _touched_. She has forgotten what it is like to be just… _wanted_ , and all she could do now is just to cry into his mouth.

  
  
"You’re so wet… Cait… I’m losing my fucking mind…” he says, squeezing her dripping core, doing circles with his thumb. “If you don’t want this, don't want to see me, you better tell me to stop, before it’s too late…”

  
"You never asked permission before. Why do you ask for it now?" She breathes out with her eyes closed, holding his face in her hands.  


"I don't want it to be just another fuck between us." He answers.  


She freezes and opens her eyes, intensely looking at him, "Oh..."  


"Caitríona... We need to stop fucking each other, and then act like nothing happened..." He explains, his fingers still inside her, moving. "We’ve been doing it for years..."  


"Well..." she pauses and removes his hand from under her skirt, still aroused from what he just did to her. " _What_ do you want, then?

>>>


	2. Delicate

_Is it cool that I said all that?_  
_Is it too soon to do this yet?_  
_'Cause I know that it's delicate_

“Let’s get outta here,” he whispers, as they leave the elevator and hastily head to the exit. He is holding her hand, and she doesn’t mind.

“Should we get a cab?” 

“My car is parked around the corner. Where are we going?” He asks, and looks at her, studying her face.

She stops for a second and looks around, “I don’t know.” 

“Do you trust me?” he asks, as he squeezes her hand tighter, like nothing happened. Like he’s not the man who broke her heart 1.5 years ago, then appeared out of nowhere, and is now tearing her insides out.

“Yes,” she breathes out, and squeezes his hand in return. 

He smiles and opens the passenger door for her, “Get in, then.”

They drive across the Brooklyn Bridge, when she suddenly asks him, “Did you really not know I’d be here?”

“I didn’t know you’d be at that bar,” he says, and it’s true. “But, I read online you’d be in New York, for your movie. Congratulations, by the way,” he adds, and quickly looks at her.

“You think it’s a coincidence?”

_I believe it’s fate_ , he thinks to himself. “Could be. What did you feel, when you found out you’d have to come here?”

She doesn’t know how to answer this question. She wishes she didn’t feel anything. She’ll be lying if she says the possibility of meeting him in this huge city didn’t cross her mind. Suddenly, it’s too much to handle. Overwhelmed, she finds it hard to breathe.

“Stop the car.”

“What?”

“I said, stop the car. Please. I need to get out,” she panics and looks like she is suffocating. “I need some air.”

He stops the car, and she opens the door to exit and run. “Cait, what’s wrong?” He asks as he follows her.

“I shouldn’t...I shouldn’t be here with you.”

He’s startled. “What? Why?”

“I can’t believe I let you _touch_ me again,” she hisses, thinking back to the elevator scene.

“Cait… You kissed me first...” He says, barely audible.

“I promised myself our paths would never cross again. Because, when you left… I...” She says and starts shivering from the cold wind.

He quickly takes off his jacket and wraps it around her bare and trembling shoulders. “Tell me. Please, Caitriona, talk to me. Tell me everything.” He’s gentle, soft, concerned and so caring it almost makes her cry.

She gives him an incredulous look before she starts speaking, tucks her hair behind the ears and takes a deep breath. “I really hated you... When the door closed behind your back, that day, I knew that things were never gonna be the same again. The first three months were the hardest. I couldn’t eat, I cried every night, I… I couldn’t stop blaming myself, you know? For everything. I believed that everything was my fault. I know, I messed things up, too. And, I believed that I deserved it. With my marriage, and then the divorce, wrong decisions, my fears and my mistakes...” She pauses to fill her lungs with air and looks away. “I kept telling myself that _you_ deserved better. Better, than… _me_ . That’s why you left. You didn’t love me anymore, and it was my fault.”

With these words, she finally bursts into tears and buries her face in his neck. “I didn’t only lose the man I loved , but also my best friend. It got better when I stopped blaming myself and got back to my normal life, though. It's _normal_ now. And then, you just pop up out of nowhere, and here we are again, like nothing happened.”

“You think that I didn’t suffer?” He says softly, stroking her back as she continues to sob into his chest.

“I don’t wanna know...” She blurts out.

“No, please, I need to tell you something.” He insists. “When I was at the airport, that day, holding the damn tickets in my hands, I wanted to throw them in the bin and come back. To you . But… After what I had done, I knew you would never want to see me again. I did a terrible thing. You told me you would never be able to forgive me, if I leave,” he says, and feels her nodding against his neck.

“That’s right,” she smirks, involuntary.

“I said I wanted to have a new life, and I got it. I bought a new house in Midtown. It’s gorgeous. But, it’s just… empty . And, I hate it. I did a couple of movies. I’m proud of them. Success and shit. But, I realized, what’s the point, if I don’t have anyone to share this success with? It's so trivial, but, it’s true… I got a new life, but this life is nothing without you… It’s just miserable, Cait...”

“I’m listening...” She whispers, as she looks up and stares in his eyes.

“I thought escaping would help me... _forget_ you. I was wrong. How can I forget you? And now, I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or fate that I’ve met you here, today, but…I’m selling the house. I’m coming back home to Scotland, I think. And, getting you back was in my plans. I would have found you, anyway, sooner or later, and lay the world at your feet. If only you would let me. Because...”

“Because _what_ ?” She interrupts him, and takes a couple of steps away, a bit shocked at his words and news. He opens his mouth to continue, when they hear the thunder in the sky accompanied by lighting, striking one after another. 

He ignores the thunder and comes to her, smiling. “Because I still love you, Caitríona,” he says, grabbing her by the waist. Looking into her big blue eyes, he leans forward and kisses her passionately, dragging her to himself, holding her close. His lips are crushing hers, before she could even say anything, before she could protest. The kiss is soft, warm and wet, it tastes whisky and despair, and her bottom lip is between his teeth. Her first response is to push him away, then punch him in the face. But… Her mind is spinning with the greatest confusion. 

She takes his face in her hands and gives up as she opens her mouth to let him in. She kisses him back, like there’s no choice, like it’s the first and the last time, like it’s the only right thing to do here, under the pouring rain. She can feel the familiar heat rising inside her belly and her cheeks start getting red. Her breasts press against his chest, and his neck beneath her fingertips is pulsating while his hands roam up and down her back. They stand under the dark open sky, lost in time and space. Not even noticing the heavy, cold water drops falling down on their faces, right there, where their lips are locked in a hungry and intoxicating kiss. Her heart is beating somewhere between her ribs and the back of her throat.

He suddenly pulls away to her surprise, just to look at her, like she’s the eighth wonder of the world, like she is his world. His eyes search her face, and he brushes the back of his fingers against her flushed cheek, sliding them down her neck. His touches send chills through her whole body, and she finds herself wanting more of it. 

“I’m all wet,” she says, without realizing how it sounds. “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant,” she adds, and they both burst into a fit of laughter. 

“Well, I’m all wet, too, then. We should get back into the car,” he takes her hand and walks, and she slowly follows him behind.

They sit in the car and watch the rain hitting the windshield. She is silent, lost in her thoughts, fighting turmoil inside, a fight between the heart and mind, and she can’t understand her feelings anymore.

“You okay?” He asks her, softly.

“I’m better,” she gives an honest answer and nervously glances at him.

He turns his head to face her. “I love you, Cait. I love you and I _want_ you. I don’t know what to do with myself, if I don’t have you,” he speaks, and his voice is low, angry even, his eyes darken, as he stares at her, literally devouring her with his look.

Her heart is crashing in her chest. “I’m scared,” she admits. 

“Of what?”

“I’m scared that if you come back into my life again, you will hurt me _again_.”

“Cait… Please, all I ask you is to give me a chance to show you how sorry I am for leaving you, for hurting you. Please, please, forgive me, and let me be with you again,” he squeezes her hands and kisses her knuckles as he speaks, his eyes never leaving hers, and they just stare at each other not noticing when the rain stops.

“I’m staying at Four Seasons,” she says firmly, and breaks the silence, like it’s the only right thing to say at this very moment, “57 East 57th Street.”

A small smile of relief touches the corners of his mouth, and he turns the wheel. 

***

“What a view!” He exclaims, returning from the balcony of her hotel suit. “I think I’ve just seen my house from out there!” He adds, with a smile, and his eyes are sparkling. His smile slowly fades away when he sees her standing in the hallway. She has taken off her heels and looks smaller now. Her face is paler without the red lipstick that she just removed, and he can feel her nervousness hanging in the air. 

“Do you wanna drink?” She asks him, approaching the minibar, but he stops her.

“No,” he says, as he slowly walks up behind her, and puts his arms around her tiny waist. “All I want tonight is _you_ ,” he murmurs into her ear, breathing her in.

“Okay...” She says, swallowing, failing to hide her one and only wish to have him right now, too. She brushes away the hair from her shoulders, granting him access to her skin, and he nuzzles his face into her neck. She smiles and shivers, when he starts to place soft kisses on her shoulders and down her spine, until the border of her red top stops him.

“Caitriona...” He whispers into her back, and the sound of her name on his lips is driving her crazy. She turns around to look up at him and starts to take off her top. He smirks when he sees she’s not wearing any bra, as always. She quickly smirks back at him, then tosses the piece of clothing on the floor. Her face gets serious, and she wraps her arms around her breasts, shyly looking aside.

“Don’t,” he says, softly, staring at her face with loving eyes, “let me look at you.”

She hesitates for a second or two, before she puts her hands along her sides. “I can’t believe that you still... _want_ me, after all these years, the heartbreaks and after… Everything.” 

“I will always want you. Do you know that you are the most breathtaking woman I have ever seen in my life? You always were, and always will be,” he gasps out and puts his hands on her chest. His fingertips are dancing on her collarbones and she shudders again, the goosebumps start to pop up on her white, ivory skin. He caresses her back and waist, until his fingers reach the band of her skirt. He slowly unzips and slides it down her thighs and knees, then lowers himself to the floor. Once he has the skirt around her ankles, he gently lifts each of her feet to take it off before throwing it aside.

She feels her entire body heating up, burning, throbbing as she’s standing in front of him in nothing but her panties. He gets up kissing slowly up her legs, her thighs, and up to her rising chest. His hand begins to cup one of her breasts, squeezing it gently, playing with it as he laves over the other one with his tongue, stopping to suck her nipple. She throws her head back and runs her fingers through his soft hair.

“God, Cait, you are so… The things I want to do to you… I missed you so much I could just cry,” he mutters, as he leans closer, his lips meeting hers, he's forcing his tongue into her mouth, stroking it against hers. She feels the smile on his lips, melts against him, and her legs are barely keeping her on the ground.

Reaching behind her, his hands slide inside her panties, and he squeezes her buttocks, pulling her closer, making her feel how hard and ready he is. For her . And, she is dripping wet in desire. For him . She doesn’t know how much more of this she could take. She needs more.

“Take them off me,” she moans between the kisses, “and take your pants off. Take everything off. I...want you. I need you,” she whimpers, her legs trembling, his tender touches sending waves of pleasure between her already slick thighs. “Please…take me now...”

A couple of swift movements, and she’s completely bare, almost crying in anticipation. Two more movements, and he’s standing in a shirt only, which falls on the floor next to his clothes in a moment, with her help.

Not wasting any more time, he pushes her against the wall, and lifts her right leg to wrap it around his waist. “You’re driving me absolutely insane,” he says with hunger in his darkened eyes. She feels him brushing the tip of his cock up and down her slit, before he eagerly starts to slip inside her with a groan. To his surprise, she suddenly freezes, stops moving and shuts her eyes. 

“You okay?” He asks, concerned, taking her face in his hands, caressing her cheeks and trembling lips with his thumbs. “What’s wrong, Cait? You...want to stop?”

She is silent, eyes still closed. “No, no, I just...” She swallows, opens her eyes, briefly glances at him but then immediately looks away. “I haven’t...” And, she stops again, she doesn’t know how to tell him that she hasn’t been intimate with anybody, after he left. She doesn’t even know if she should tell him about that.

“Hey...” He whispers. “Look at me. I’m here. I won’t go anywhere, I promise,” he adds as he kisses her forehead, when she finally turns to face him. She looks into his blue oceans, and smiles with the tears in her eyes.

“You’re…here.”

He nods and smiles back at her and places a kiss on her trembling lips, before fully burying his cock deep inside her wet and warm heat. She inhales sharply at the feeling of this sweet pain. She would scream, but her voice is caught deep in her throat, and pure pleasure begins to wave through her body. He fills her, stretches her, and it’s unbearable, but it’s so good. In one quick movement, he lifts her other leg and wraps them both around his waist, as he slams into her, forcing a sound of ecstasy from her mouth. Her bare back hits the rough wall. She’ll have bruises and scratches all over it tomorrow, but she doesn’t really care.

"Jesus, Cait, you are so tight and so...stunning..." He’s breathing out, sucking on her neck, holding her in his arms. Soon he finds a rhythm, and she is losing her mind. Each penetration sends another wave of pleasure to the bottom of her belly, over and over, making her moan, squirm, shake. “Don’t stop,” she cries out. “Don’t ever stop!”

He crushes his lips against hers, while he is thrusting into her deep, letting her feel his full length with each thrust. So erotic, so savage, and she absolutely loves it. Holding her with just his left hand, the right one slides between their bodies as he finds her clit again and presses his finger there.

“Oh fuck...” she gasps, “fuck, oh, fuck me, never stop fucking me...” She is close, so close she can’t take it anymore, everything inside her is on fire as he continues to pound into her. She is gasping and panting his name again and again, when a long shiver finally shakes her to the core. “I’m gonna come, I’m coming...”

“Come, babe, let it go, scream for me, let the whole world know that you are mine,” he encourages her, never stopping his movements. She wraps her arms around his neck, and he can feel her pulsating around his cock. He allows himself his own release just after her, and it literally blinds him. 

They fall on the carpet, she rests her head on his right shoulder, and he feels her tears on his neck. And, it’s okay, because he’s crying, too.

Two hours ago he asked her what she felt when she saw him again after 1.5 years, and she didn’t have an answer. Literally, nothing came to mind. But, she knows what she feels now, being in his arms, feeling him all over her, being with her, in her, filling her, completing her and… loving her. And just like that, in the darkness of the room, in the most expensive hotel in New York, she finally understands what it all was for. 

“Don’t go,” she says in a whisper, pressing herself as close to him as she can. “Please. Don’t leave me again.”

Her low voice and her hot tears rolling down his neck make his insides squeeze, he realizes how much he must have hurt her, and it’s breaking his heart all over again. “I won’t. Cait, I mean it.,” he whispers back and wipes away her tears. “I don’t want to just sleep _with_ you. I want to sleep _next_ to you, and wake up next to you, too.”

_For the rest of my life._

She smiles through the tears as she caresses the small hair on his chest. She doesn’t want to think about anything at this very moment, when he is here, and she finally feels whole again.

They lay in silence, arms and legs entwined, wrapped around each other, being one, not wanting to let go. “You gotta show me your gorgeous house tomorrow.” She suddenly tells him.

He gets surprised, “Why?”

“I’m just...curious?” She says with a grin, nuzzling her face in the crook of his neck.

“Fine. Tomorrow. But, now…” He pauses and gently flips her, so she lies on her back, and he’s on top. He starts to kiss her neck and collarbones, goes down her breasts, her belly, and thighs. 

“What...are...you...doing?” She whimpers and her heartbeat is starting to rise.

  
  


“Shhh... I told you I could never get enough of you, Caitriona.” He mumbles, inhaling her scent. “Part your legs. I want to make you come again.”

  
  
  


***


	3. End Game

_And I can't let you go,_  
_Your hand prints on my soul_  
_It's like your eyes are liquor,_  
_It's like your body is gold_

__

A truly spectacular full floor residence with a panoramic skyline and fantastic views greets her as soon as the front door closes behind their backs. Remodeled to perfection, ideal both for gatherings and lonely evenings, this place is so bright, so cozy, so modern, and so _Sam._

“Should I give you a personalized tour? Sorry about the mess, though,” he jokes and gestures at the hallway. She grins at him, and he guides her around his property. He has shown her everything, and she has never missed a chance to remind him of the constant mess he had in his trailer back then.

“You don’t have to be sorry about the...mess, Mr. Heughan. You’ve never been a neat boy,” she teases him as they walk around the living room and head to the kitchen.

“Have you satisfied your curiosity?” he finally asks her when they arrive in the kitchen, and she looks out the window, admiring the views.

“More than I wanted to,” she smiles at him and touches his arm. “It must be hard for you to have to sell it. It’s really lovely,” she concludes, and gently brushes her fingertips against the marble table. “Are you sure you want to get rid of it and not keep it, for future visits, or something?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I’ve thought a lot about it, and this is my final decision. This place didn’t bring me much happiness,” he says as his eyes are looking anywhere but at her. “Wine?” 

“Always,” she accepts eagerly, and leans on the windowsill.

He opens the cupboard and carefully grabs two engraved glasses made of crystal. 

“Oh my god, you...kept them?” she gasps as she takes one glass in her hand and looks at him with her big blue eyes. A pair of wine glasses was one of the first presents that she had given him. What surprises her most is the fact that he didn’t leave them in Scotland, but took with him to New York.

He glances at her, opens the fridge to take a bottle of red wine, and says quietly. “It’s...your present. You think it’s weird...that I’ve kept them?”

“No…” Her face softens, and she feels a little guilty, remembering how in the middle of one dark night, with the endless flood of tears on her face, like a broken-hearted teenager, she threw away everything he had ever given her, tore all their pictures together, and didn’t regret anything. She does now. “No. It’s fine.”

They’ve been sipping on the wine in awkward silence, when she’s looked away with a serious and concerned face, putting a glass on the table.

“Is everything okay?” He moves closer and touches her arm. “You are so...wistful. I can tell something is bothering you...”

“I have thrown away all your gifts,” she confesses, avoiding looking at him. “And, I have a question for you, if you don’t mind?”

“Of course.” He tenses and forces himself to remove his hand from her arm, even though he doesn’t even know what she’s about to ask. “Just drop it.”

“Have you ever...been here with other women?” As soon as the words come out of her mouth, she gets scared of hearing the answer. “Just be honest with me.”

He hesitates for about two or three seconds, swallows and finally gives her an honest answer. “Yes.”

She inhales sharply as she hears what she knew she would hear. Her shoulders tense and her clenched knuckles start to whiten. It suddenly hits her. All that time that she spent to fix herself, to mend her broken heart, he was fucking other women. She doesn’t know if she should feel betrayed, or think that he cheated, lied or hid it from her, because they were not together that time. She closes her eyes when she realizes she even can’t be mad. She is hurt. It hurts her feelings to imagine him with someone else, literally makes her sick to her stomach. 

“Cait, please, say something…” He breaks the silence. He wants to touch her shoulder again, but he’s scared of doing so. “I told you this place didn’t bring me happiness. I thought it would fix something. But, I was wrong. Believe me, it didn’t mean anything.”

“Of course it didn’t!” She snaps and turns to face him, and just wants to cry as she sees the hurt look on his beautiful face.

“I’m sorry. But… I didn’t ask you if you-”

“Well, the answer would be _no_. I have not,” she snaps again, wrapping her arms around her waist as she nervously starts to pace around the kitchen, tears begin to fill her eyes.

He looks at her in surprise, and then, suddenly the missing pieces from last night come together, and everything starts to make sense. “Oh...” He whispers. “And, I thought, that man you danced with, at the bar?”

“He is just a friend, I haven’t seen him in years until I came here, and I’ll probably never see him again anytime soon. Wait… Are we really doing this right now? For fucks sake…” She rolls her eyes at him.

“I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything!” He snaps back and regrets it the same moment. “I know you are upset…” Coming closer, he gently grabs her by the shoulders. “Believe me, Caitriona, it meant nothing. Our last night… Last night meant everything to me. I hope that you can forgive me, someday.” 

“Look,” she stops him and puts her index finger on his lips. “We were not _together_ during that time, you could do whatever you wanted.” She finds it hard to say that to him, as what she would like to do is just punch him in the face instead. She is calmer now, lets out a small laugh, regretting she even asked that question in the first place. 

“I’ve been in love with you for nearly ten years. I didn’t even know it was possible, before I met you, Caitriona.” With this, he leans closer and slides his hands down her back and wraps them around her waist. 

She slowly takes a step forward, and rests her chin on his shoulder, hugging him tight in return. Being wrapped in his arms, listening to his heartbeat and inhaling his smell, it feels like _home_. 

“Damn you, Sam,” she says a moment later. “God, I love you, too.” And, a single tear rolls down her cheek. She immediately wipes it away and takes a deep breath. “I don’t think I would ever be able to... _stop_ loving you, and...wanting you, too.” She whispers these words in his ear, her heart is beating fast in her chest, just as fast as his heart is beating against hers, just as fast as she unbuckles his belt, slides down his jeans and her hand is getting inside his boxers. 

  
  


“Cait… What are you doing…” Taken aback, he looks at her.

“I want you, Sam, now. And, I mean what I say...” She murmurs and wraps her trembling fingers around his cock, starts stroking it, massaging, feeling it grow in her hand. She’s gently scratching his balls with her fingernails, when he lets out a guttural groan. 

  
  


“Fuck… Caitriona...” escapes his mouth and his blue eyes start to darken.

“Were they good to you?” she suddenly asks and her voice grows a bit angry. “Did they treat you...well? Where did it happen?” She hastily looks around.

  
  


“Please, Cait, no, don’t do this, I love you only, I want you only, always have...” he breathes out. “I belong to _you_...” With these words he takes her face in his hands, shaking a bit from her ministrations.

  
  


“Then… Kiss me,” she whispers, her hand is still on his cock.

  
  


And, he kisses her, claims her, desperately, hungrily, wanting, needing her to understand the things he doesn’t know how to say. That she is _his_ , and he is _hers,_ and everything that’s happening between them now is nothing but _right_. 

  
  


She breaks the kiss and pulls out her hand as she quickly unbuttons his shirt and tosses it on the kitchen floor. She needs to touch, feel his warm skin, and she needs it now. He’s not taking his loving eyes from her face, and kisses her again, smiling through the kiss, never getting enough of her lips, her taste, her everything.

“Yes, yes, I belong to you, too...” she finds herself mumbling into his mouth when their lips are locked again, the feeling of her own flushed skin against his is driving her crazy, and her fingers are running through his silky hair.

  
  


“I want to get inside you, I want to come inside you, I can’t wait… you’ve frikkin’ teased me...Caitríona...” His hands go under her dress, and he slides down her already soaked panties, throwing them aside, before he quickly lifts her in his arms and puts her on the kitchen counter.

  
  


“Get inside me, then…” She’s barely breathing, her voice shakes, and she spreads her legs wider for him. “What are you waiting for? Take me, have me like you mean it.”

  
  


He lays her down, plunges into her, and she is lost, moaning and clenching around him. He holds her thighs in his hands, admiring how wet, hot and ready she is for him, always. He starts to move in and out of her gently, then fast, feeling her trembling, shivering. Cold marble of the kitchen counter cools down her already burned up body. He’s watching her as she throws her head back, eyes closed, lips parted, and he can not get enough of this sight. She’s arching her back and starts to make these familiar noises, when he begins thrusting in deeper, harder. She tugs him closer, wraps him in her arms, holding him with her legs, panting.

“If only you could see yourself right now, baby...” He whispers, caressing her thighs, lifting the dress higher to her waist, touching her rising belly, while her inner muscles keep squeezing him tighter and tighter. 

“Yess… Oh god, yes, yes...” she cries out over and over, until she can barely recognize her own voice. He lowers his head and kisses her neck, licks it, leaving wet traces all over her flushed skin, and she pushes her thighs against him, squirming and moaning louder. 

“I’m so close, so close, come with me, please come with me, Sam.”

“I’m close too, come here, I need you to kiss me...” he gasps out and crushes his lips with hers, tongues battling, entwining, and they come together, shake simultaneously, cry out each other’s names. He won’t let go, instead he pulls her closer, trails his fingers down her sweaty neckline and collarbone, and leaves her breathless. He grabs her breasts and feels her hardened nipples through the thin fabric of her dress, wishing he ripped it off earlier to get closer to her soft skin. She moans and shudders as she keeps coming around him, the heat is still throbbing between her legs.

“Sell your fucking house. Come back with me to Scotland, okay?” She breathes out, looking into his darkened eyes. 

“Caitriona...”

“I forgive you, do you hear me? I forgive you for everything. I love you, I love you so fucking much. I need you, I always need you. Don’t let me go...” 

“Never,” he whispers, pressing his forehead against hers as he holds her in his arms kissing her face. “Never again. Never.”

***


	4. Closure

It had been two months since they got back to Scotland and Sam moved in with Caitriona. It was easy for him to sell his property in New York. The price didn’t even matter to him. What mattered was the woman he loved. The one, that he was sleeping with, and waking up next to, as well. Just like he wanted. The one he made breakfast in bed for, and who made breakfast in bed for him. And, dinners with candles. The one, who mattered most. The one, who, as he promised to himself, he would never leave again. Never hurt again. Never betray. Never stop loving. She was the love of his life. No way he would risk it, fuck it up, ruin.

She was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his days with.

She was happy. Happy with him. First, she hesitated, doubted herself and then him, and then herself again. They had known each other for 10 years. It felt like they had been through all possible things. The first kiss, first time making love, first _I love you_ ’s, first fight and first _I hate you_ ’s, their break-ups, their separation, her marriage, her sneaking to _him_ , passionate nights and then back to never talking again for weeks, her husband finding out, and her divorce. Their rare meetings. For sex. For her tears. For his. For the excuses. For their mutual hurting when nothing but pain was left to feel.

It was in the past now.

Many words they had said to each other during this decade. She thought there was nothing left he could say that would possibly surprise her. And then, on a Sunday morning, when he made her breakfast and watched her enjoy the waffles and fresh coffee, still a bit sleepy, but warm and smelling her coconut shampoo, he said what she didn’t expect him to say. At least, not anymore.

“Cait...”, he started and traced his fingers along her jawline down to her long neck.

“What?” She mumbled with a mouthful of food, and smiled at him.

“Caitriona. I want to marry you.”

Her eyes widened, she quickly swallowed and put the tray away. “What?”

“I’m serious”, he smiled and looked intensely into her eyes, frowning his eyebrows. “I mean it, Cait. I want to, I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. I love you. I’m in love with you, and I don’t want to live without you, ever. I can’t live without you. I’ve been thinking about it for a while.” He let out a small laugh, “Who am I kidding? I’ve thought about it so many times, but it was either too late or not the perfect time...”

She watched him speak and her bottom lip was trembling. She would be lying if she said she never had expected him to ask her that. Her heart started to beat faster and she kept asking herself why it suddenly was the perfect time to ask that now.

“Will you marry me?” His voice got serious as he saw a hesitation and uncertainty on her face. “Cait. Please, say something.”

She quickly got up from the bed, wrapped her arms around her waist and paced around their bedroom. “Sam, I...” She started but saw the look of sadness appear on his face. Of course, she loved him, more than anything, more than anyone she loved in her entire life. “Sam...”

“Caitriona...” He got up and stood next to her, placing his hands on her shoulders, nervously smirking. “Is there anything that I should know? I mean… What’s..umm... Stopping you? We could get married. Have our little ones… Start a family… I really want this.”

“A family?” She stared at him in surprise, and now both her lips were trembling, tears began to spark in the corners of her eyes. She removed his hands from her shoulders and walked to the window. “I think, yes. There’s something I need to tell you.” 

He tensed as he watched her standing near the window, turned with her back to him. “What is it?”

“I…um... After you…left me, after a couple of months or something after that, I thought I got pregnant.” She paused and leaned on the windowsill. “I was late, and I went to the doctor, and turned out, well, I was not pregnant. But, the doctor also said that…considering my age and some other...stuff…it might be dangerous. And, I may not have children, at all. I don’t wanna risk it.” She said those words and sniffled. Feeling relieved at the same time, like a weight was finally put off her shoulders. 

“Cait...”, Sam approached her and gently put his hand on her tiny waist. Her body was shaking from sobbing, and it was breaking his heart. “Baby, I... I’m so sorry. Come here… Shh, it’s okay.” With one arm tightened around her shoulders in a hug, he stroked her back with the other, whispering soothing words into her ear as she silently cried into his chest.

After she calmed down a little, she took a step back and looked him in the eyes. She saw nothing but pure love and compassion in them. Suddenly, she felt guilty for hiding that from him for so long. “Sorry, I probably should have told you sooner… instead of slapping you with this ugly truth now. Do you still...want to marry me?”

“Of course, what kind of question is that to ask? God, Cait... I… don’t know what to say, but… I said it’s okay. I love _you_. Whoever you are and whatever you can or can not do. There are still options, but… We can be happy together, just the two of us.”

After everything they had been through, she still asked herself how on Earth did she get so lucky to have such a generous and loving man? She was almost 45 years old, and he still called her ‘baby’. He still wanted her and she still wanted him. Always.

Forever. 

“Okay.” She finally said and wiped away the tears from both her cheeks. “Please, I don’t want to talk about this anymore, if you don’t mind...”

  
  


“Of course.” He kissed her forehead before pressing his own against it, and asked. “Do you remember what day it is?”

She immediately panicked, as she was never good at remembering the special dates. Swallowing, she looked into his eyes and whispered. “No. Damn, I’m sorry.”

“It's been ten years since we first met each other. Since I first saw...you.” He smiled and cupped her cheek. 

“Oh my god… Really. Ten years.” The realization suddenly washed her over, before a single tear rolled down her face. And, it finally hit her why he chose today as a day to propose. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her nose into his hair. “Yes.”

“What yes?” He got confused for a second.

“Yes. I will marry you. Where’s the ring?”

“I hope you never change.” He laughed and grabbed a small velvet box from the drawer. Opened it and took the diamond ring to put it on her finger. “Here you are.”

“It’s… Gorgeous.” She breathed out and brought her hand to the window so that the sun’s rays played on the big precious stones. “I love it. And, I love you. I want to be your wife, Mr. Heughan. And now, kiss me.”

  
  


“As you say, _Mrs. Heughan._ ” And, when their lips locked in a loving and passionate kiss, everything got back to normal, usual, familiar. Home. She felt safe and loved in his arms. Protected and secured. No matter what. With her mouth pressed against his and their chests crushing against each other he felt not only her love, her warmth, but her wish to be _his_. To belong.

“I need to shower,” she says as she breaks the kiss and licks her lips. “Mind joining me? And, not just to watch me...” Her playful and low voice sent him to the edge, and he followed her without hesitating.

Once both removed their clothes and stepped into the shower cabin, she turned on the water, and within seconds he had her pinned against the tile, his hips pressing to hers. “I want you so badly right now, Caitriona… My fiancée...” He whispered into her ear, running hands up her sides and down her waist. He touched the sensitive skin between her legs and cupped her slit. She was ready, wet and warm, welcoming, pleading. With a hot and heavy breath he lifted her in his arms, and she locked her legs around his back, arched to him. His wandering lips found her rising chest, he run his tongue over her soft, hardened nipples, licking, kissing, nibbling. His skin was slick and hot against hers. Her thighs trembled, and she moaned softly into his neck, “Ppplease, I need...”

He pushed inside her immediately. She cried out in ecstasy, and he groaned loudly into the crook of her neck. His hips began to move, slow at first, but it made her see little stars even at his slow and gentle pace. She arched from the cool tile of the wall and pressed herself tightly to his body, holding on for life. Her head fallen back and mouth open, each thrust causing sweet but loud moans from her. 

He attacked her mouth again, sloppily kissing her lips while he pumped inside her. His hands grabbed her ass and he pushed her back against the now hot wall. "Wrap your legs tighter around me," he whispered against her wet mouth. “I want you to feel all of me.” 

She nodded, doing what he said. The bathroom was filled with hot steam and the sounds of their pleasure. And, he filled her, pulling back and thrusting into her again and again. Loud moans were escaping their throats as they both got lost in their moment. He started to thrust into her harder than before, and she felt herself reaching her end.

“Sam...oh my god, I don’t want you to stop.”

“I’m so close, Cait, let’s come together, baby...” 

And just like that, her body was shaking with her orgasm, quivering around him, clenching, pulsating. "Fuck…," she let out. "Oh yes..."

He quickly followed after, just a few more thrusts, spilling into her, as she clung to him. His hips movements eventually slowed, before he pulled away and put her down on shaky legs. 

“It was perfect,” she breathed out and stood right under the hot water, letting the water drops fall on her face and roll down her still flushed skin. He came to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He was slowly kissing her shoulders, his fingers were dancing on her stomach and she felt his heartbeat against her back.

“You feel so good,” he murmured into her neck.

She turned to face him and kissed him once again. “You too. I think, we should actually shower now.” 

“And then… Are we going to discuss our wedding?” He asked, gently rubbing the sponge with the shower gel up and down her back and arms.

“Oh yes, we are. But, I don’t want anything big. I don’t want all this fuss, you know? Besides, I was married once already,” she added in a thick voice and lowered her eyes. “I want it to be our day only.”

They finished showering. He turned off the water before helping his fiancé get out of the cabin. He wrapped a soft white towel around her, moving it over her wet skin. Once she was dry, she worked on drying him off.

“Well, this is what I was imagining when I asked you to shower with me, _husband_.” She laughed as she dropped the damp towel on the floor and walked out of the bathroom. “I have to finish my breakfast now.”

He watched her slowly walk down the hall, swaying her hips, completely bare, still as hot and attractive as ten years ago. Sometimes he thought he didn’t deserve her. Didn’t deserve to be forgiven for leaving her. To get back into her life. To move in with her. To be her husband. But he knew, he would do anything to prove not only to her, but to himself that he deserved. He deserved it all.

“Cait!” He called her before she would disappear in the bedroom.

“What?”

“Everything will be like you want it to. Everything will be good. I promise you. You have my word.”

She smiled and tucked her wet hair behind her ears, thinking how funny it is that the same person who broke her heart could also fix it.

“I know.”

  
  
  
  
***  
  
  


THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not my best, but I think it’s the best I could do under the current circumstances. Anyways, thank you for reading! :)


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